Ailish Fitzgerald


“Maurie has cancer,” is what my mother said to me on that dull afternoon.  Terrible thoughts ran through my head.  How could this happen to him? He is much too strong for this to happen. With my heart in my stomach I just looked out the window of my rolling car, watching the rain run down the windows.  God is crying, I thought.  He must be crying for my brother.  That’s exactly what I felt like doing; cry is exactly what I needed to do.  But this was not a moment to cry.  My mother was not crying; my dad and brother will not be crying when I get home.  No, they are not at home they are at the hospital.  My big brother is in the hospital.

Everything felt like a daze.  Was I just in a dream?  Will I wake up and find that none of this is actually true?  No, this is not a dream; this is a nightmare. I am sitting in the front seat of my car in the midst this nightmare, watching the rain run down my windows.  My family is now staring a monster in the face, a microscopic monster.  So little yet so big.  This is something that does not happen. Normal people, normal families do not have this horrific monster enter their lives.  How would things be different now?  Would Maurie survive this nightmare?  Would he be alive to experience my graduation or my wedding?  I can not believe this is happening.  I hope this monster does not ruin my family; I hope it does not tear us apart.

As the rain ran down the windows on that dreary afternoon,  I looked out onto the street at the little kids playing in the rain, wishing I could be that young, wishing I could be that innocent.  Their only problem was whether or not they would get cookies after dinner.  Innocence is bliss.  I wish I could be innocent and ignorant, not knowing the terrible things that can happen.  Things that can turn a good day into a bad one, within two minutes it feels like your life can be over.  No, my life will not be over, my family will not be ruined.  Maurie is too strong to let this break him.  He will not be affected by this.  We will not be affected by this.


Copyright 2002-2008 Student Publishing Program (SPP). Poetry and prose 2002-2008 by individual authors. Reprinted with permission. SPP developed and designed by Strong Bat Productions.